


Stick Together

by Mina Lightstar (ukefied)



Category: Gintama
Genre: Gen, Other, Sougo and Kagura being within fifty feet of one another, allusions to bodily functions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-13
Updated: 2009-09-13
Packaged: 2017-10-09 16:55:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/89627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukefied/pseuds/Mina%20Lightstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"When a man and a woman love each other very much..."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stick Together

**Author's Note:**

> For Megan/Adara/gamera. Inspired by the Family Guy episode. Technically the same universe as "A Matter of Convenience."

"I need your help," Zura confesses from across the table. Sakata Gintoki's friend and former ally is wearing a disguise, and the fact that he manages to emote behind such dark sunglasses is a feat worthy of praise. "They have Elizabeth."

"I really don't see how that happened," Gintoki confesses, stirring his parfait. "That thing can move; how'd they catch it? And who's 'they?'"

Zura makes sure no one is listening, and then leans forward. "An independent party of drug traffickers. Some kind of chemical warfare -- I didn't get to investigate before they took Elizabeth. That, of course, was their plan: hold Elizabeth hostage in exchange for my complacency."

Gintoki sticks a finger in his ear. "What are these independent guys called?"

"The Blue Dragons."

"That's a stupid name. I'll help, since I feel like telling them their name is stupid."

"Uh, Gin-san," Shimura Shinpachi pipes up, "doesn't it seem like we shouldn't interfere this time?"

Gintoki waves him off. "Don't be ridiculous. Elizabeth is in danger and it's our duty to save, uh, it. This is a request from Zura, how can you dismiss it?"

"Katsura."

"Because," Shinpachi explains, "we've already _rescued_ Elizabeth on Katsura's behalf, remember? And do you remember how that turned out?"

"Shinpachi, you need to stay out of the opium dens. If we had to go with Zura to rescue Elizabeth, I would remember doing it."

"We were ninjas," Shinpachi reminds him, speaking in a flat tone. "We threw curry at people."

Gintoki barks a laugh, waving him off with more emphasis than before. "See, that's just stupid. Now I know you just don't want to help Zura, after he came to us with chocolate parfaits and everything."

"He _always_ comes to us," Shinpachi stresses, losing patience. "We _always_ fix his problems, and no one ever learns anything!"

"Well," Gintoki intones, "this is the first I've heard of any of this."

"ARGH!"

"Then we'll meet tomorrow night," Zura says. "We'll solve the mystery of these Blue Dragons and rescue Elizabeth."

Shinpachi is shaking his head. "You know it's not going to be that simple. It never is! Something is going to go horribly wrong, people are going to get hurt, and we're going to limp home bemoaning how we always get caught up in people's problems."

Gintoki turns on him. "Now listen, I've had it up to here with your negative attitude."

"You're supposed to _gesture_ when you say things like that."

***

"I _said,_ I want _sukonbu_!"

The vendor growls, leans over the counter, "And _I_ said, I want _money_!"

Kagura bangs the counter. "And _I_ said, I don't _have_ any!"

"Is this going to take a while?" someone in line wonders.

"My milk is going bad," another complains.

The bell jingles, announcing the entrance of another patron. "Hello," a familiar voice deadpans. "We received a call about a disturbance here, and oh." Okita Sougo spots Kagura. "It's you."

"Ugh," Kagura replies, disgusted. "They sent _you_?"

"I'm also here to pick up a pack of cigarettes for Hijikata-san." Sougo gestures to the clerk. "I'll take this alien girl, and six little sticks of dynamite, please."

The clerk curls his lip. "What kind of store do you think this is? Little sticks only come in packs of ten."

***

"I can't believe you made me leave without sukonbu," Kagura pouts, folding her arms and kicking a can.

Sougo watches the former soda carrier sail into orbit, smirks when someone distant shrieks in pain. "It was a difficult decision, but fortunately I take greater pleasure in making _your_ life miserable."

"Hmph! I needed those snacks for our job tonight." She looks around for something to kick, and Sougo dodges her aim for his shin.

"What job?" What an idiot. She really shouldn't be speaking of her freelancer business in front of a member of the Shinsengumi.

"We're going after some blue dragons," she says, flippant. "Blue is such a stupid color. It reminds me of Shinpachi. Red is much better."

"Blue Dragons?" Sougo's interest is piqued. What was it Yamazaki had said? Something about a raid on some drug traffickers after dark? Maybe he should head back and reaffirm this plan. It might be more fun than he'd originally hoped.

"Anyway," Kagura whines, "you've ruined my afternoon, so I'm going home."

"What a shame," Sougo mourns. "We should stand here a little longer, so people can see how much better I am by comparison."

The Yato girl turns on him, indignant, pug-face scrunched up in something like anger. "You shut up! I should kill you, except I promised Gin-chan not to make boys cry after lunch!"

"Of course," Sougo grants her, letting her dash away without further insult. He watches her run until she's out of sight -- or rather out of _his_, when his line of sight is blocked by a Yamazaki from the sky. "Hello."

"Captain Okita, sir," Yamazaki salutes, "are we going to do something about the Yorozuya hitting the same traffickers we are?" He's putting painful effort into attempting to look dignified while disguised as a pigeon, so Sougo ignores the feathers.

"Why?" He shrugs. "They bumble around, but that might add to the chaos."

"You mean confusion," Yamazaki corrects.

"Of course," Sougo replies sweetly. "Confusion. We'll tell Kondo-san, of course, but if we maneuver correctly, their presence could actually help us."

"Hm," Yamazaki considers. "In any case, I suppose you've been wondering why I was staking out a convenience store dressed like a pigeon?"

"No."

"Following you!" Yamazaki points. "Captain, I'm going to have to ask you to hand over that dynamite."

"No."

"Well, at least don't give it to the Vice-Commander."

Sougo rolls his eyes and makes a helpless gesture with his hands. "God! _One_ joke, and it haunts you for eternity! He wasn't even _maimed._"

***

When the darkest hour of the night rolls around, most sensible people in Edo are either sleeping or gambling. The rest are either drug dealers, terrorists, or the Shinsengumi.

"How come Shinpachi isn't here?" Kagura demands, and bites the hand that covers her mouth.

"Because he has no sense of loyalty," Gintoki explains, wincing.

Zura creeps along the warehouse wall, slowly edging towards the window. "They're in here, I'm sure of it."

"Did you find out what drugs are they peddling, anyway?" Gintoki asks.

"... No," Zura admits. "All I've got is just what I found out before they got to Elizabeth. But I do know that the substance is chemical, which makes me wonder if this particular concoction is a drug at all, or if they're dabbling in some other illegal activities."

"Who cares?" Kagura grunts. "All we have to do is beat them up, right?"

"... In theory," Zura replies. He waves them off. "Now be quiet, I can see them--"

"Zura!" Gintoki shouts, and he's moving even before Kagura turns her head to see what has alarmed him.

"Gin-chan!" she cries, watching the missile of fire sail through the sky, heading straight for the window of the warehouse.

She has to leap back when the missile strikes, exploding harshly against the old metal and causing more smoke than Kagura would have thought possible. She lands in a crouch, dimly aware that whatever cover they had has been blown (literally) and searches frantically for Gintoki and Zura.

"Gin-chan!" she shouts again. "Zura!" She clams up when she notices dark-clad figures rushing toward the warehouse. _What are _they_ doing here?_

"Good shot, Captain Okita, sir!" Yamazaki exults. He arrives at the blast site first, and actually admires the handiwork. "Amazing!" he adds as more Shinsengumi crowd around.

When Sougo appears, Kagura makes sure she is there to kick him in the shin. "IDIOT!" she shrieks, angry. "You almost killed me!"

Okita Sougo manages to look impassive and heartless even while hopping on one leg while he cradles the other. "Pity."

Vice-Commander Hijikata is the next to arrive, tossing away a cigarette butt and unsheathing his sword. "What are you all loitering out here for? They're probably getting away by this point!"

"Oh, right," Yamazaki comments, and leads the charge into the warehouse.

Kagura glares at Sougo, who shoulders his rocket launcher and acts like he wasn't just crippled by a girl several years his junior. "I'm sorry I _blew_ your cover," he says with a smirk.

"I already made that joke!"

***

Gintoki notices Hijikata's arrival when he spins away from the Blue Dragon he's just felled. "Oh, hi. Sorry we started without you."

"Ugh," Hijikata grunts. "I saw your pet outside; I should have known you'd be here."

To Gintoki's relief, Hijikata still recognizes when to be quiet and swing his sword around. Together with the rest of the Shinsengumi, the warehouse becomes a battlefield. Gintoki can see the vats at the far end of the room, and as he fights, he figures this warehouse is some kind of makeshift laboratory.

"What are you _cooking_ here?" he asks one Dragon, pressing his bokuto against the outlaw's short sword.

"_Chicken,_" the Blue Dragon spits.

"That seems rather unlikely," Gintoki replies, shoving the man away before elbowing him in the face. As the trafficker drops, Gintoki glances around for Katsura. _He better have found Elizabeth._

"What are they cooking here?" he asks Yamazaki, who dances beside him in a fighting stance that would be elegant but for the badminton racquet.

"According to our sources, sir," a powerful _thwack_ and a Dragon goes down, "it would appear to be the next weapon of mass mayhem! I'd tell you the ingredients, but I'm not good with science, you know?"

"Gintoki, this is terrible!" He turns to Zura, who is returning from his round of the warehouse. "I can't find Elizabeth anywhere!"

"_Zura,_" Gintoki stresses, because he can't believe that Katsura could be so careless.

Then, everything happens at once. Zura pauses, realizing that he's exposed himself in the middle of a Shinsengumi raid. The Shinsengumi hesitate, wondering if they should continue exterminating the Blue Dragons or apprehend the most wanted terrorist in Edo. The Blue Dragons are the only ones who don't lose any momentum -- well, them and Gintoki, who takes care of the one aiming for Yamazaki.

It's actually Okita Sougo's appetite for destruction that saves them all. Before anyone can do anything, the vats explode.

"DANGER!" some of the Blue Dragons shriek, and that's all the warning anyone needs to duck and cover.

Gintoki and Yamazaki end up behind a stack of boxes together. "Ohhhhh, so _that's_ why he bought the dynamite," the spy says.

***

In the grisly, fiery aftermath of the explosion, Sougo surveys the damage he caused and smirks. "That's not why I bought the dynamite, but it did come in handy." He frowns, scanning the ground. The contents of the vats have spilled, and he takes care to avoid the puddles as he makes his way for the entrance. He can already see the Blue Dragons being herded and processed by his fellow Shinsengumi.

"You're _crazy_!"

"Huh?" he wonders, glancing to his left. "Oh, I was wondering where you went."

Kagura is on her hands and knees, looking dizzy and very angry. "You could have told me!"

"I could have," he confesses. "But I figured my lighting the sticks would have been a clue." He spreads his hands. "Are you going to stay down there and burn all night?"

"I'm not burning!" Kagura snaps. "And you should help a lady up!" she adds, grabbing his hand and hoisting herself to her feet.

"I don't see any ladies around!" Sougo retorts, trying to pull away. "Let go."

Kagura glares at him, her grip like iron. "No, _you_ let go!"

Sougo pulls again. "I am letting go!"

Kagura pulls back. "No, you're not!"

Sougo yanks. "Yes, I _am!_"

Kagura yanks back. "No, you're _not!_"

Sougo stills, and looks very closely at their linked hands. He tries -- very, very hard -- to uncurl his fingers from Kagura's hand, and discovers that they won't budge.

"What did you do?!" Kagura demands, shaking him. "WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

***

When Gintoki and the others find them, Kagura is shaking Sougo up and down, demanding to know what he had done. "What the hell--?"

Hijikata stares at them for a few seconds, then lights a cigarette before asking Gintoki, "Do you want to...?"

"Ohhh no," Gintoki waves his hands, "I'm not touching this one."

"Tch, fine. Sougo, what the hell are you doing?"

"Save me, Hijikata-san!" the captain pleads. "I've been shackled by a monster!"

"I HATE YOU!"

Hijikata takes a long drag. "Are you telling me that you're... stuck together?"

Kagura and Sougo exchange angry glances. "Yes," they mutter in unison.

Hijikata drops his face into his hand. "This is so stupid...."

"Vice-Commander!" Yamazaki shouts, bringing one of the Blue Dragons forward. "This one has some details, and possibly some mockery as a bonus."

"No mockery," the Blue Dragon assures them, "in exchange for a plea bargain."

"They'll take the mockery," Hijikata retorts. "Now, what happened here?"

The Dragon nods toward Kagura. "Looks like she got her hands in some of our glue and touched him when it was nice and fresh."

"Glue."

"Yes."

"We were busting _glue._"

"Essentially, yes." A smirk. "But think what could be accomplished with glue this strong."

"I could put shells on my squad-car!" Yamazaki pipes up.

Hijikata punches him, then punches the Blue Dragon. "What's the cure for this?"

The Dragon spits out a tooth. "Time, of course. Obviously, it wasn't meant for permanent effect on human skin. That could end terribly, you know."

"This is already pretty terrible," Gintoki comments. "Say, I have two things to ask you. One: where is Elizabeth?"

"The giant penguin?" Another smirk. "Oh. We took care of Elizabeth. _Real good care._"

Gintoki punches him. "Second: did you know you picked a really stupid name for yourselves?"

***

"Okay, so here's how it will work." Hijikata studies his day planner. "You can have Sougo forever."

"What?" Gintoki yelps. "Not a chance. Let's just alternate weeks, like real parents. You have government salaries; you can afford to feed Kagura."

"No one can afford to feed Kagura," Sougo says.

Kagura pushes at his face. "If I start going hungry, I'll cannibalize you!"

"No wait," Gintoki considers, tapping his chin. "I can't leave Kagura with you. I have to consider her honor. She's not allowed to date until she's sixteen, so I can't leave her in barracks with a bunch of government men."

Hijikata shuts his agenda. "That settles it, then. Sougo will stay with the Yorozuya until this glue wears off. And I will henceforth be on vacation."

"Hey," Gintoki ventures, "we should negotiate a truce. Like, so long as this is going on, neither side is allowed to hold anything against the other."

Hijikata considers this. Behind them, firefighters battle the blazing warehouse. "Well, fine. A small price to pay not to have to dodge attempts on my life for the next week or so."

"That's what you think," Sougo says.

"And," Gintoki adds, "you have to leave Zura alone this time. He's mourning." He gestures to the black figure silhouetted against the blazing warehouse.

"Tch, whatever," Hijikata says, flippantly. "I've had about all the stupidity I can take tonight. We're going home."

At Hijikata's command, the Shinsengumi and their apprehended criminals march off into the night. Gintoki, Kagura, and Sougo stay behind, watching the flames lick at the former hideout -- watching Zura come to terms.

"ELIZABETH!" the terrorist wails. "_ELIZABETH!_"

Sougo winces. "Are you _all_ this loud?"

_"ELIZABEEEEEEEEEETH!"_

***

"Elizabeth?!" Zura chokes upon entering Yorozuya Gin-san. "E-Elizabeth?!" Clearly overcome, the terrorist dashes into the house and heads for the couch.

"Yes," Shinpachi sighs, entering the living room with a platter of tea. "It's still rather shaken up. I don't think Elizabeth has ever been drunk before."

Zura looks up from his inspection of his companion. "Drunk?"

"Uh-huh. I found it wandering the pier -- had no idea where it was or what it was doing."

_I couldn't remember anything,_ Elizabeth's placard reads.

"Well," Gintoki says, still in the doorway, "that's fantastic. Now that we've taken care of the hungover penguin, are you ready for your next problem?"

Shinpachi sets the platter of teacups down and folds his arms. "Are you hiding the next problem outside?"

"Yes," Gintoki admits. "You see, Shinpachi, sometimes when a mommy and daddy love each other very much--"

"Oh my god, what did you do?"

"--the decide to express this love and sometimes, they get stuck together doing it."

"I'm going home."

"And then they have to wait for things to calm down before they can separate, you know? And it's a pretty embarrassing problem, so--"

"_You're_ an embarrassing problem!" Kagura snaps, kicking him into the house. "Shinpachi, I'm stuck with Sougo."

"What?" Shinpachi asks.

Gintoki regains his footing, scratches the back of his head. "Yeah, about that..."

"Kagura, are you dating a Shinsengumi?!"

"Do you need thicker glasses?!" Kagura demands, stamping her foot. "_Obviously_, we're stuck together with _superglue._"

Shinpachi processes this information, staring at the entire room with bland, dead eyes. "... Obviously."

"Ahem," Okita clears his throat, using his free right hand for emphasis. When everyone turns to look at him, he says, "I'll take a latte, please. Chai, with plenty of sugar."

Gintoki is rather proud that it takes five entire seconds before he, Shinpachi, Kagura, and even Zura erupt into fits of boisterous laughter.

"Ha--" Kagura attempts between snorts, "haven't you _been here before?_"

"Have you _seen how they live_?" Zura demands.

"We have bread sandwiches for lunch!" Shinpachi admits, and his laughter collapses into a fit of tears. "_Oh my god,_ we have _bread sandwiches_!"

Gintoki calms down, and wipes tears of mirth from his eyes. His friends follow his example, with the exception of Shinpachi, who continues to sob. "Ahhh, anyway, moving on. You two will have to share Kagura's closet." He glances around the living room. "I was going to suggest putting the couches together, but that's too much like dating, so I'll have to forbid it."

Okita sighs. "_Danna_, I'd thank you for your hospitality, but there doesn't seem to be any."

"Shut up!" Kagura yells into his ear. "We're hospi--hosti--we're _nice!_ Sadaharu, be nice!"

It takes them five minutes to rescue Okita from the dog's mouth.

***

The only thing worse than waking up without a change of underwear, crammed in a dark closet, and bent at an unnatural angle, is being all of those things plus being attached to the most annoying girl in the universe.

"You're _touching me,_" she spits in his face.

"Of _course_ I'm touching you," Sougo retorts, referencing their linked hands and wondering if he should point that out for her benefit.

"No! I mean, you're touching me in _other places._"

"You mean your thigh? I'm sorry -- it's so soft and flabby, I thought it was a pillow."

"YOU'RE DEAD!"

She swings wildly with her left hand, but he blocks with his right, and soon their are tussling so ferociously, they break down the closet door and tumble into Gintoki's bedroom.

"All right," the white-haired samurai yawns, sitting up, "there'll be none of that."

"He started it," Kagura mutters.

"I want to change my underwear," Sougo announces, gracing Kagura with a glare.

"Why?" the Yato girl counters. "Do you _need_ to?"

"Well, your snoring face is a horrifying thing."

"DEAAAAD!"

"Stop it!" Gintoki snaps, slamming his hand against the floor. "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside so I don't have to clean it up!" Once they're staring at the floorboards, properly contrite, he continues, "It was a late night, and I don't think any of us are done sleeping. So good night!" he swiftly concludes, and drops back onto his futon.

Kagura gives a meek protest, "But, Gin-chan, I'm hungry." But the samurai is already asleep -- or maybe just doesn't care.

Sougo huffs in aggravation. _Maybe this is karma?_ "If I buy you breakfast, will you let me change my underwear?"

"Counts as dating," the sleeping one slurs.

"I don't want my hands near your dirty boy butt, anyway," Kagura adds. "But if you buy me breakfast, I promise not to bother you until lunch."

"That's a promise you can't keep," Sougo hedges. "You're stuck to me."

"Well, whatever! You gotta eat, right? _We_ definitely don't have any food."

***

On their quest for breakfast, Sougo decides that this is the worst day of his life. The walk from Yorozuya Gin-san to the restaurant not only nullifies his chances of once again being gifted with the greatest amount of Valentine chocolate, but his face ends up being all over the news.

"Okita-san! Okita-san!"

"Walk faster," he tells Kagura, but it's too late: Ketsuno the reporter cuts him off and suddenly, there's a mic at his mouth.

"Captain Okita," she harasses, "all of Edo is abuzz! Who is this mystery lady on your arm? Does the Vice-Commander know? Have you agreed on joint custody of the baby?"

"He's carrying _my_ baby," Kagura declares, pulling at the mic. "The Vice-Commander can back off!"

Sougo dies a little inside, and then pulls Kagura behind him. "Actually, this mystery lady is a child bride I rescued from the Blue Dragons last night. She clearly hasn't a clue of how to interact with society, so I'm taking her for her first walk." He swerves around the reporter, tugging Kagura along. "If you'll please excuse us, don't frighten or excite her, don't feed the aliens, thank you."

"Wait, please! Okita-san!" He can hear the media dogging their steps, determined to get their story.

"Where's my breakfast?" Kagura demands loudly, and Sougo really isn't sure if she's playing along or not.

_This_ has_ to be that karma thing everyone talks about,_ he thinks, escaping toward their intended restaurant. _It's probably my punishment for always trying to maim Hijikata._ When they pass a convenience store, Sougo spots Hijikata in his peripheral vision. He's positive Hijikata realizes, because the Vice-Commander lights up and takes an evidently satisfying drag.

"This is the _greatest day of my life._"

***

"Would you like to share a sundae?" the waitress asks, but shrinks away when Sougo glares at her over the pile of dishes on their table.

"Haaaaa!" Kagura exhales, rubbing her fat belly. "I'm full!"

"About time," Sougo mutters. "Girls your age should be watching their figures."

"Boys your age should be flattering girls so they can finally get laid!"

Sougo raises an eyebrow. "Who taught you that kind of language?"

"Television."

"Hm." Sougo sits back in their booth. "We have a lot of problems to consider."

Kagura laughs. "Yeah, like your _face_!"

"No, like _bathing._" He pauses. "I know it's a foreign concept to you, but--"

"Shut up, you jerk, don't you think I'm thinking about it? I can't be wearing this same red outfit every day, can I?"

"Yeah, the clothing is another issue. We could be stuck like this for at least a week, maybe more, and it hasn't even been a _day_." Kagura doesn't answer. "We're going to have to think of what to do when it's time to--"

"Toilet."

"Huh?" He turns to look at her. She's huddled in on herself, and looks very small.

"I have to go to the toilet," she says again.

"... Oh. Great." Sougo buries his face in his hands -- tries to. "All right. It was going to happen sometime."

"I've been holding it."

"I really hoped it would be me first, just to get us used to the idea."

"My bladder really hurts."

"I mean, since it's easier for me, and so on."

***

"_That mole of yours,_

"_It's a bit light, isn't it?_

"_That mole of yours --_ this is stupid," Sougo says into the wooden stall wall.

"Keep your eyes closed!" Kagura snaps.

"They _are_."

"And don't stop, I'm not done!"

"Hey, mister," a girl calls from three stalls down, "will you sing for the rest of us? It makes it easier!"

***

Shinpachi hums Otsuu's newest single as he mops up Yorozuya Gin-san, gliding the moist cleanser around the television, the table legs, Sougo and Kagura -- wait.

"What are you two doing on the floor?" he asks, pausing mid-wipe.

"You might as well wash us that way," Sougo groans.

"We have no strength left," Kagura moans.

Shinpachi considers them for a long minute, leaning on the mop's handle. "Maybe I should make you some tea."

"That'd be great," Sougo says.

"You're a good mom, Shinpachi."

***

"I'm home," Gintoki calls into the dead silence of his apartment. The quietness is kind of strange, seeing as how everyone is in the living room. Otsuu's live performance is playing -- a repeat. The television's blue hue illuminates Shinpachi on one couch, rapt attention focused on the idol of his dreams -- and Kagura and Sougo on the other. They don't seem interested in Otsuu, the television, Gintoki, or even life itself: they're slumped on the couch like zombies, staring into space.

"Have they had any milk today?" Gintoki asks.

Shinpachi waves him away. "I'm not sure if it's good or bad, but they're a lot more manageable now."

Gintoki sticks a finger in his ear. "Four days, it's been?"

"Smells like four days," Shinpachi affirms.

Gintoki wanders toward the second couch and snaps his fingers before their eyes. No reaction. "So they _can_ be defeated."

"I'm starting to forget they're even separate entities," Shinpachi confesses. "Instead of Sougo and Kagura, it's Sougo-and-Kagura."

"Why--" Kagura's voice cracks as her lips move, "why is _his_ name first?"

***

On the eve of the sixth night, Kagura confesses into the darkness, "I'm thinking of killing you, but then I'd have to drag your corpse around until the glue wore off, anyway."

"Yeah," Sougo agrees, "I'd already thought of that."

"Huh." Silence for a moment. Then, "So, do you like soba?"

"I guess."

"Once I ate, like, _all the soba_ in the _world_, and Gin-chan got mad at me."

"Wow," Sougo replies, "I've been stuck with you so long, that actually sounded interesting."

Kagura pokes him the ribs -- an abridged version of her punch, delivered so because they are lacking their habitual fire for battle. "Shut up, I'm trying to kill time."

He sighs. "Yeah, I know." Each moment spent lying in the tiny closet with a girl who hasn't bathed in a week is excruciating. "Okay, so... once, I tarred and feathered Hijikata-san, and he refused to tape my dramas for a whole week."

Kagura actually laughs. "That's pretty funny, except that you smell."

"So do you."

She lifts up their hands. "When will this go away?"

He can see their faint shape in the darkness. "Soon, I hope."

"Can we go out tomorrow?" Kagura asks, almost sounding nice.

Maybe blow the stink off them. "Sure."

***

Heading outside in the morning mist actually does them some good, Sougo discovers. The fresh air, the dew, the deserted streets -- all make his walk with Kagura easier to bear.

"Can we go for breakfast?" Kagura asks.

"Later?" Sougo requests. "Let's just enjoy not being harassed for a while?"

The Yato girl actually smiles at him. "Okay."

They turn down an alley, intending to stay out of sight, and come face to face with two of the only other people out at this hour.

"Excuse me," Sougo ventures, slipping into Shinsengumi persona despite being off-duty, "you appear to be robbing this woman."

"Uh, yeah?" the cowled man replies, as though speaking to an idiot. "Do you mind?" His grip on the knife doesn't waver.

The elderly woman at the end of the knife lets out a sigh of relief. "Finally! See," she goads the thief, "and _you_ said if I screamed, no one would be around to hear."

"Hey," Kagura threatens, taking up the best fighting stance she can, "you'd better let her go, or we'll have to beat you up!"

Sougo takes up a half-stance of his own, struggling to wiggle his sword from its sheathe without the aid of his left hand. "Look, we're really not in the mood for this, so if you'd like to surrender and save us the trouble, that'd be great."

The robber blinks, staring at their awkward linked hands and the utter joke it makes of their stances. "Are you guys stuck together, or is that, like, your thing?"

Passive aggravation finally gives way into rage, and Sougo snarls, "Oh, that is _all_ I needed--!" and grabs Kagura's other arm with his right hand.

"It's _our thing!_" Kagura shouts, moving with him as he spins.

For all that she eats, she isn't heavy; Sougo swings Kagura around with ease. Her feet smash into the robber's head with a sickening and satisfying crack, knocking him over and out in one blow. Sougo releases his grip on Kagura's left arm, expecting her to land at his side -- where she's been for the past week.

Instead, Kagura keeps flying, right hand flying out of Sougo's left -- and it really, honestly, feels like something of his has broken off.

"What the--?!"

As Kagura crashes into the alley's garbage cans, Sougo stares at his left palm. It's intact, albeit covered in dried residue. _Free._ He wiggles his fingers; the action hurts, they feel like they haven't moved in... well, a week.

Kagura emerges from the cans in an unnecessary display of bravado. "You _dropped me!_" she exclaims. And then she realizes, "We're _unstuck!_"

In the background, Sougo can barely hear the elderly woman whom they have just saved. "Uh, well now, good for you, eh?"

"We can go home!" Sougo cries, feeling something akin to actual excitement.

"We can take baths!" Kagura squeals, racing over so they can lock forearms in merriment.

"Uh... congratulations?"

"We can sleep in real beds!"

"We can go to the toilet alone!" At some point, Sougo realizes, they have started to jump up and down.

"Uh, you know what? I'm just gonna go."

By the time they stop celebrating, the alley is deserted again, but they barely notice. "Not even a whole entire week," Sougo observes, grinning down at their arms.

Kagura tightens her grip on him. "I know! Just barely six days of being together every second of every day and now we -- we don't gotta...."

Sougo looks at Kagura. Kagura looks at him. Then they both look down at their linked arms. Slowly, they untangle and take a step back from one another.

"Um," Kagura says.

"I guess," Sougo looks up at the grey morning, "it could have maybe been worse."

"Yeah," Kagura agrees. "... You wanna hold hands on the way home?"

"No."

She recoils. "W-well, good! I didn't want to, anyway!"

"Well, fine," Sougo retorts, flinching away.

"Okay, then!"

"Okay!"

"Fine!"

"_Fine!_"

***

Shinpachi is making bread sandwiches when a bruised Kagura comes home, sporting even dirtier, torn clothing.

"Back to normal, huh," he comments.

"I'm going to sleep."

 

end+


End file.
